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Last year, I learned toeat the bagel without shame. This year, I’ve given myself peace from all the outside noise about food and bodies.

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But it still took a lot of work to quiet the ancient, inherited voice of criticism that would rage inside me while I stared down a plate of “forbidden” food — or even myself in the mirror.

Once I understood how I wanted to think about my body and the way I ate, I realized the world around me was still full of the talk that could pull me back into the mindset I had fought to escape.

In 2024, I have focused on building an environment around me that can help sustain a healthier, happier relationship with food and my body. I gifted myself peace — and here is how I did it.

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It felt weird to open up, especially because even though my body size had fluctuated, nothing physically alarming was happening to me.

“I’m fine,” I would tell my friends and family. “But I’ve just noticed that I am being so mean to myself about my body and my food. I just haven’t liked myself very much, and I am telling you so it doesn’t fester in my head and so you know what is going on with me.”

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Had they said anything cruel or unhelpful? I could see on each of their faces –– and then in their words –– how important it was to them that I feel loved, supported and happy in myself.

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Few, if any, in my life were making direct or intentionally cruel comments about my eating and my body. But I did explain that even a casual critique about the food we were eating or bodies in general could be damaging.

“We’ve earned dessert after this workout,” or “That dress makes you look so skinny,” or “That looks so delicious, but it’s a food baby waiting to happen” weren’t meant to make anyone feel bad, but such remarks did turn the volume up on the critical voice in my head.

Even comments meant as compliments turned the attention to things I was trying to focus on less. To reorient myself and communicate what I needed from those trying to support me, I used a tip from experts I had spoken to and came up with helpful phrases to redirect.

I would kindly remind them that we weren’t exercising to earn anything; that balance is healthy; and that we shouldn’t ruin a good time by worrying about what we look like.

For the most part, it works pretty well. I see family and friends catch themselves and move on to something else, and it’s a verbal reminder to myself on what I am working toward.

Occasionally, the gentle reminder or change of subject away from bodies and dieting doesn’t work. Someone sticks to talking about calories, fat or even my body.

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I remembered one expert telling me that we are all swimming in an ocean of diet culture, and it’s hard to realize we are in it when it is everywhere.

I am not the only one with a monster in my brain telling me that my body isn’t good enough or that something is wrong with me if I eat something high in calories.

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