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“We’re shown this ideal version of the holidays, with partnered people,people with children, people with families in the matching pajamas with the gorgeous photos,” said Shani Silver, a New Orleans-based writer, podcaster and author of the Substack newsletterCheaper Than Therapy.

But that notion excludes a massive number of people who won’t have “the cozy Norman Rockwell Christmas,” she added, including those who are newly single or estranged from family, or have lost a partner or other family member.

If you’re troubled by your situation,it’s OK to honor your feelings and keep the celebrations low-key or sit this holiday season out, experts say. But you don’t have to refuse to celebrate because you’re without a partner or family.

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You can still be filled with grief, especially if a breakup, estrangement or death was recent, Abrams added. “All of a sudden everything is different this year,” she said, and you may be longing for the traditions you had with the person you lost.

In such a transition, there’s no requirement to have the holidays look or feel the same as they always have, said Dr. Adam Brown, clinical psychologist and professor of psychology at The New School for Social Research in New York.

Just as there is nothing wrong with not having these things, there is also nothing bad about wanting and missing them. But there comes a point when dwelling in sadness or shame keeps you from motivating yourself to chart your own path forward and from recognizing the loving people remaining in your life.

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Your holiday season isn’t insignificant, said Silver, who has been single for 17 years. There’s no reason why you shouldn’t get to celebrate as fully as anyone else, and “a home with one person in it is still full,” she said. “Each individual human being on Earth is a valid person.”

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“We have this unique time available to us to define what we want to do as individuals, and a lot of people will never have that,” she added. “Not viewing it as a burden, but viewing it as a benefit, is one of the ways that you can start to really enjoy this time.”

If you always went to holiday markets or drive-through Christmas light shows with your ex, you can enjoy those activities alone or with friends, Silver said. Did your ex hate ice skating while you always wanted to try it? Now’s the time.

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You can still put up a tree and mail out holiday cards, Abrams said. Drive or walk through beautifully decorated neighborhoods or travel to visit a friend.

If you have friends or acquaintances in the same boat as you, get together for a holiday dinner like Silver did last year, or for other plans.

You might feel like you don’t want to be a burden. But you never know what might happen if you tell a loved one that you’re feeling the need for connection and wondering what they’re doing for the holidays, Brown said.

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“We usually take away a lot of opportunities to have some semblance of something we want to experience,” Abrams said.

Considering the middle ground can help — maybe you don’t go to a gathering but still send a white elephant gift. Or plan on attending but only staying for an hour or so. Try decorating, but maybe just one room.

If grief strikes, stepping into another room or outside to cry, for example, is better than trying to repress emotion, Abrams said. Whether external or self-imposed, the pressure to just cheer up can make people feel a lot worse. (Cold air, though uncomfortable at first, can also be good for your mood, she said.)

If seeing all the happy, romantic holiday posts feels too difficult, taking a break from social media or muting certain accounts may help, Abrams said.

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Preparing loose scripts of answers based on your boundaries and social dynamics can be useful, Abrams said, especially if you feel pressure to answer despite your feelings. You might say you don’t want to discuss it, that this season things are different or you just want to focus on the new. You could even preemptively let loved ones know via a text or phone call, which can save everyone an awkward moment.

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