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But they are also steeling themselves to hear 20 other names of former classmates who never got to leave first grade, let alone plan for college and grow into adulthood.
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“It’s just going to be heartbreaking,” Grace told 【 - Free Group Entry 】. “I can’t imagine that 20 kids are not graduating with us and that they’re not having the opportunity to walk across the stage.”
Emma said she’s trying to prepare herself for a range of emotions – the joy at leaving school, nerves about what’s next and reflecting on what should have been.
“Thinking about all the what ifs: what if they were sitting next to me at graduation, what if we were still friends, where would we be? It’s just going to be a lot of what ifs in my head,” she said.
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Emma was six years old and looking forward to making gingerbread houses when the 20-year-old gunman armed with a semi-automatic assault-style rifle and two handguns shot his way into the school. Emma, like many other students, thought the popping noises were from roof construction work at the school, until she came face to face with the horror.
“A guy – armed – came into my classroom and started shooting all of my friends and my teachers and my classmates,” she said. “His gun jammed and a friend of mine, Jesse Lewis, yelled at us to run and that’s what we did.”
Jesse Lewis, just six years old, shown in family photos with rosy cheeks and a smile full of baby teeth, was killed. But his quick thinking and desire to help his friends propelled Emma and a few other children to bump past the gunman and get out.
“I remember vividly running out of the room and then, in the hallway right by the main entrance, there were chairs … and under the chairs were people, because of the force of impact of the bullets, they were blown under the chairs.” She led her classmates out of the school and eventually was found by a family friend and taken to safety.
Grace hid with her friends in the cubbies in another classroom, feeling scared, she said, but not really sure about what, until police officers escorted them out to safety at the fire station next door.
“When we got to the firehouse, we had to line up by grade and that’s when my teacher was like, this is really not OK,” she said. “Because when we lined up by grade, half our grade was missing.”
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Both Grace and Emma clearly still carry the grief from the massacre but also seem propelled by their experiences to make their country safer.
Grace will attend Hamilton College in upstate New York, with plans to focus on law and justice. Rationally, she says it’s a choice she is making but she also acknowledges she feels an obligation.
“I really want to make sure that they know I’m doing something,” she said of her classmates who had no chance to graduate. “Even though they’re not here anymore, there are people who survived that are really trying to push for them. Because their lives were lost so early and I went through that at such an early age, I feel like it’s my purpose to continue my life in honor of them.”
Grace and Emma are part of theJunior Newtown Action Alliance(Junior NAA) to share their stories and campaign for gun violence prevention.
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“I have thought about … if I’m not doing something big, did I survive for the right reasons?” she said, talking about the survivor’s guilt she feels she has had her whole life.
“When I was little, I don’t remember feeling it that much, but now that I’m graduating and going to college and doing all this stuff with Junior NAA, I’ve been feeling it a lot,” she said.
“I’m graduating, I’m going to college, I get to go home, I get to see my dog, I get to do all this when they don’t. It’s just really hard.”
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