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Often it was the knitting in her hands, the repaired zipper on a dress you couldn’t give up when it broke, or piroshki (Russian meat pastries) that you really wished were Ghirardelli box brownies because 8-year-olds often don’t appreciate the finer things.

It took me awhile to understand that the things she made meant the same as “I love you” or “I missed you.”

It wasn’t that she was cold — not at all. My mom often explained to me that sometimes people as brilliant as Grandma Mimi have a hard time relating to others.

I began to get a glimpse into the relationship we could have when I was in college, and she started pattering into whatever room I was in during my visit to ask if I studied the Romantic poets or how familiar I was with Aristotle.

I knew — and loved — that every room and hallway in her house had a bookcase, and these were brimming with books on every subject in several languages.

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Could she tell me about how she made that sweater? Oh, it was nothing. Did she really speak six languages? That’s an exaggeration because her Spanish was rusty. Was there any interesting family history I should know about for my school report? “Not really,” I remember her saying while we sat on the beach.

But there were things that might have been swirling around in her brain that she didn’t tell me then. Things I would find out in the eulogies and teary hugs at her memorial.

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Instead of getting the stories from her, I spent time with aunts, uncles, cousins, family friends and people I had never met huddled together in the funeral home, piecing together the tidbits we each had of who she was and where we came from.

Her father’s family ran an anti-czarist press and fled Russia for the United States in 1905. Her cousins survived Nazi concentration camps by pretending they were twins and opting for experimentation rather than certain death.

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I wish there were more tender moments of connection with this magical figure I could hear about now. I wish I could have interrogated her to find out how to unlock my own version of extraordinary from the genes we shared.

Learning to knit has been a second-best option. I’m working off the same pattern my grandmother did when she made my stocking. And now when I visit the Victorian family home in the small New York town where she lived, I go through the nooks and crannies where she stored her supplies and take back things I can use for my stockings.

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